I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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