he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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