Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
