I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
