Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
