I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
