so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
