Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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