I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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