I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize