; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
