NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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