It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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