She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
