It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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