she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
