I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
