In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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