Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
