I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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