I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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