just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
