is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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