Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
