well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
