I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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