WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
