I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
