so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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