Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
