he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
