i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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