His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
