i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
