dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
