im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you had me at cake vodka
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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