Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
