is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
