Ketchup is God's man juice
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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