I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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