Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
