Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
