am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
