I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Randomize
