Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've blown a few things in my day
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
