this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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