oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
