I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
