there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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