I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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