Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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