people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
