we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
