If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
