Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I would fuck him just for his dog
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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