Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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