the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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