when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
