so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
