Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
