And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
