Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You have to summon your inner elephant
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
