I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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