I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
