I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
