The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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