um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
