I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
